I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
