When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
