i just wanna soil my oats bro
i think my tv is drunk
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
If I die, sorry about rent.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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