They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
