Your dad touched me again.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
