there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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