Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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