I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
