he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
