Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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