have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
