she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
