it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
