He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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