i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
