I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
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