I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
