just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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