This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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