i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I still have a little drunk in my system
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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