that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
