I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
