god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
