Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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