By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
