i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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