alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
