i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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