Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
