why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
should my penis look like a turkey
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
