someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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