Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
