Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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