I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
