i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
