apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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