but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
