Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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