he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize