You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
