Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
