Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
