the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
