My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
