Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I think I have vodka in my lungs
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
not ubering you a puppy
soo... how was my night?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
