halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
