so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
