There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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