TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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