he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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