i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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