You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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