do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
