rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
