You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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