On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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