I think I am morally bankrupt
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I lost the right to judge tonight
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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