i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
