well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
