Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
