carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
