Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
