**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
