well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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