How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
