I'm passing your future prison.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
