My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
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