Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
