He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
