Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
