god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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