Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
