how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
