I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Randomize
