I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
