he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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